lameness

Normally I never go after people's political or religious beliefs (it gets too messy, no one ever wins the argument, and if you're about to have sex with someone any talk of things bi-partisanshippy or of Biblical plagues have a tendency to make me "wilt," if you get my meaning) but this post from today's Washington Times is just too good to pass up and not semi-snarkily comment on.

Under their "Analysis and Opinion" column someone named Rebecca Hagelin (who will be referred to as Hag from here on out) babbled on in a piece called "The Plague of Porn" how "It's critical to understand that consuming porn is never just "harmless entertainment" and "Like a toxic plague, pornography usage is sweeping our nation and destroying our humanity." Really? A toxic plague? Destroying our humanity? What about gambling, ciggies and booze - all legal and backed by powerful lobbyists who reside in the fair city from which your daily takes its namesake.

My favorite misnomer? Oh gurl, it's just gotta be this honey-of-an-O:

Just when you thought Madison Avenue couldn't stoop any lower - or come up with an ad campaign more retarded - those health-conscious debutantes at Burger King® have bestowed upon us mere mortals an ad campaign that will appeal solely to three demographics: The anti-Food, Inc. crowd who get their daily dose of vitamins from Kool-Aid®, horny suburban husbands whose wives check their computers daily for any signs of porn, and 12-year olds who think that getting whacked in the nuts is hilarious. Moreover, it's painfully obvious that a straight man came up with this campaign:

One:
What queen would think that a mere seven inches would blow one's mind away?
Two:
Miss Thing's mouth isn't opened wide enough to accommodate said inches.
Three:
No gay man would make an allusion to cum via A.1.®'s Thick & Hearty Steak Sauce.

Click here to see the actual BK® ad that made the web rounds yesterday, and click here have it your way and view our glorious mock-up in all it's equally retarded full-size glory.

Some folks might say what goes around comes around.
Others might say Fergie & Co. need to be jailed.
Either way, it makes for good (albeit sadly sleazy) copy.

Perez Hilton was in Toronto last night for the Much Music Awards show and was (allegedly) assaulted by Will.i.Am of the Black Eyed Peas. According to Perez - who Tweeted right after the bashing - Fergie came up to him at one point during the night and asked why he was always ragging on her. (Y'all remember her pants pee shot, right?) Well, Will.i.Am (Shit, that gets tedious to write after a while!) wasn't having Mario (aka Perez) that night, and verbally assaulted the gay blogger at a club, following him outside, and - according to some - standing idly by as W's manager cold-cocked Perez in the eye several times. (Bashing a fey queen is lame, dude.)

Perez took to his site today, making a 12-minute statement, even welling up at the end. Oddly enough, he even admits to calling W. a faggot at the club. (See it here.) And of course, W. (I know it looks like I'm referring to Bush, but I can't keep typing out Will.i.Am's name over and over... well, I just did. FUCK!) has posted his own version of the dramz. (Click here to view it.) Now discuss.