Pink listed... again.

I can’t believe I didn’t make the list again. I woke up early on Sunday morning, certain that this was my year . When I went down to the shops I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, about to open the biggest, sparkliest box ....But when I finally got the influential Independent newspaper, and turned to the annual pink list, little gay heart sank. I realised, yet again, I had been overlooked as one of the top 100 most influential homos in the country. What did I have to do to be a homo of influence?

I scanned the list of the top 100 and some fascinating things stuck out to me. For one—how many conservative politicians there were, how few actors there were under 100 years old, and how few of these people were actually HOT (apparently it is very difficult to be of any great influence hot at the same time- outside saunas anyway.) Seriously, scan the list- who would you fuck? Maybe Beth Ditto (lead singer of queer band THE GOSSIP.) Singer Will Young perhaps. Brit comedian Simon Amstell’s cute in a young gay Jewish kinda way. But that’s it. And there has got to be a million gay actors in Britain, I know a couple of the bitches.... but none are out of the closet so they maybe go in to negative influence column... if that’s possible. Speaking of the negative column, what’s with director Stephen Daldry (Billy Elliot, The Reader)? Identifies as a gay man but is married to a woman. Automatic disqualification... And Jake Arnott??? HE. IS. NOW. IN. A ‘HETEROSEXUAL’. RELATIONSHIP. WITH. A .LESBIAN. A lesbian, folks. (If you gay boys aren't sure what a lesbian is click here.) In my book that is the antithesis of an influential gay. He may as well urinate on the grave of Harvey Milk.

So I have a plan for inclusion in 2010. I am going to get unfeasibly fat, join the Tory party, and marry a Lesbian.... top ten here I come!