Straight Porn Makes You Gay

I’m not gonna lie to you, despite my connections to the great land in the sun (Australia) and this gayerific city of London, nothing appeals to me more, intellectually, than a bit of American politics. Ms. Maddow, the lesbianic goddess of political discourse is one of my favourite commentators. She’s just so smart and strong... god, I am almost attracted to her—if she had a cock she’d be in such trouble, such trouble. But I digress; Keeneye touched on this porn issue last week, but what really got me thinking was Ms. Lesbianic’s segment on some fabulous republican spokesman claiming the Straight Porn Makes You Gay. Not gay porn making you gay but the straight stuff – ‘KEEP IT AWAY FROM YOUR 11 YEAR OLDS LEST THEY BE TURNED FAG!!!’ they cried.

Well, I was just so offended when I heard this., but then I got to thinking "oh jesus what if this crazy right wing wanker [R-OK Senator Tom Coburn] is right?" I mean, my first visual wanky memories were of turning on the internet and seeing those buff taught men with their perfect little asses and their voluptuous cocks (yes, I am using that word to describe a cock) plunging it in to some lady bits (who I can’t describe because I think my eyes glazed over, but she had some tits I think.) These imagines—and they were just that in those days—kept me going for weeks and weeks on end. Hell, I must have looked at thousands of cocks attached to all different forms of sexy, hot male specimens having their way with countless women (they must have had different features as well, but I don't really remember the ladies except for flopping tits and wild hair. I am now sure this is what turned me gay, but it makes sense though. Soon I was only watching men pounding each other. Even these days I get the urge to watch straight porn—I mean did you see Colin Farrell fucking that prostitute? Or how about Australian soap star Kate Ritchie fucking that hot surfer dude? Well, I suspect this sort of stuff is just making me gayer and gayer. Any more straight porn and I will be too gay to function. Something must be done. I agree with these republicans. Shut down straight porn (however we love blogs like this one.) Only then will we truly be the straights we were all born to be. When we can only watch two men—or women— fuck exclusively and thus our straight natural tendencies truly be exposed. There is still time guys. And where there is time (and two guys fucking up against a tree or a rock) there will always be hope. Always.