Levi Johnston, Unzipped?

Judging from his special appearances on The Kids Choice Awards and Larry King Live alongside our second-favorite ginger, Kathy Griffin (Blu Kennedy holds the number one spot), Levi Johnston’s trying to make the most out of his fifteen minutes. And according to a recent interview with Bravo’s Andy Cohen, he’ll even consider nude modeling for the right price. Assuming Kathy Griffin paid at least five-hundred smackers to slake her thirst at Levi’s fountain of youth, any cash the young Alaskan can summon from here on out is just icing.

And the gay media is biting! Unzipped magazine, recent purveyor of a meatless Beau Breedlove spread, has reportedly made an offer that Levi might not refuse. This is a win-win situation, folks. For The Gays and The Womens, it means the chance to lay eyes upon the Moose-fed young jock’s hockey stick, and don’t even pretend like you’re not curious about it. For Levi, it means expensive laser tattoo removal is just the beginning. Depending on how well he parlays a nude magazine spread into bigger opportunities, like a feature film role or (fingers crossed) porn modeling, Levi could kick back and enjoy American Life the way is was intended, all mojitos and in-ground pools, while the icy, unforgiving tundra fades into dim memory -- just like the memory of a certain spotlight-grubbing almost-mother-in-law who will remain anonymous. Meanwhile, Levi’s actual mother would no doubt have some of the financial burden eased from her legal troubles, to say nothing of love-child Trip’s nascent college fund (and let’s actually say nothing about the kid, okay? He’s a boner-killer).

It’s the American Dream! Get famous for no reason, and stay famous through flashing some skin. It worked for Paris Hilton, and Levi, it can work for you. So, as Tim Gunn would say: Make it work! In the meantime, I’ve got my best tube sock on standby, trust.